The Short List

Iver

2011-10-27T21:24:00.000-05:00

Iver, sayang naman di man lamang tayo muling nagkita bago ka tumungo sa next stop ng journey mo. Nakakalungkot. Ang lungkot ko sobra. Yumao ang isang napakatalik kong kaibigan. You know that you had a tough fight. Nasa best care ka na ngayon. I know, someday, somehow, we'll meet again. Salamat nga pala sa gift na water bottle! you know what I mean :)

Salamat sa lahat Iver!!!

I MISS YOU!!

I LOVE YOU MY FRIEND!!!

Query to self

2011-06-11T22:15:00.000-05:00

What am I waiting for? MD is waiting.

Lost Soul

2011-05-15T02:36:00.001-05:00

In the midst of the chaos of my desk, I found a lost soul. A little and fragile soul that has been wandering for years. He thinks that he knows the right direction but when I showed him the bird's eye view, he fret. All this time, he thought that he's going somewhere. Apparently, he's been running in circles, and worse he never learns. He made the same mistake over and over and over and over again.

Poor soul. I hope I could be of help, but I do not know what to do. I try to direct him to the path that I know is right, but he chooses the opposite direction. How damage can this soul be before he realizes that his existence is nothing but a mere dust. The same dust that is found under my carpet--a waste of space, a damaged good and a lie.

Poor soul.

All I can do is to pray that he may be renewed, that he may be forgiven and that he may realize things before it's too late.

*image from http://yoursonly.deviantart.com

Incense of Life: The Scent of Heaven

2011-05-09T22:42:00.000-05:00

Incense of Life: The Scent of Heaven

By Ken Borce

I personally like walking in hotel lobbies or in grocery stores, where the soaps are, or in coffee shops. Why? Because these places have distinct aroma which is so pleasant, I wish I could bring in my car and at home. I have read an article that says a scent can bring on a flood of memories. Apparently, smell can call up memories and powerful responses almost instantaneously.

My question is, what scent do you associate with God?

It was Holy Tuesday when I had the opportunity to see the other side of the fence. It was an experience outside of my box. Shelley and I went to “Our Place—Chez Nous” (a drop-in centre where people, who choose to come, experience the loving presence of Christ) in Main Street to hand over the gifts from the candidates of Confirmation. The gifts consist of runners, clothes, and canned goods. Deacon Robert was there to accept our donation and gave us the chance to tour the place. The area is filled with homeless people looking for clothing, drinking a cup of coffee, resting on the couch, and taking showers. It is a humble place that is overflowing of love.

A distinct smell envelops the place—scent that is not easy to describe. I realized that the smell in Chez Nous is something that could remind me of God. It is way far from the aroma of hotel lobbies and coffee shops. In fact, it is not really a pleasing scent. BUT I know, and I feel that God is truly present in that place. The scent of heaven is neither “Garden Rain” nor “Fresh Cotton.” It is not “Chamomile” or “White Tea Aloe” either but the scent of heaven is the smell that we, people who are blessed, usually avoid. That unique smell is the aroma from the Incense of Life which represents the poor, the neglected, the outskirt of society, the meek and God.

?!?

2011-03-24T01:37:00.000-05:00

I am a complete mess. I do not know which road to take. I feel so limited. I worry too much of the future and I think I forgot how to live today.

My ultimate goal can be represented by two letters.... MD

but I am such a mess right now and I do not know where and how to start.

Life in a box.

Bullshit!

2011-02-27T13:15:00.000-06:00

Bullshit!
I am so mad!
so f*cking stupid!

Sporadic explosion of realizations

2011-02-11T14:42:00.000-06:00

Various realizations came to me this past few days. Some are tormenting, some are delightful but all of them are opens my eyes.

Indeed, nothing is permanent in this world. No sum of money will save anyone from the eye of the storm. In one of the many top news story for the past days, a well-esteemed person committed suicide in the middle of all the bashing on his name. Immense pressure, I believe, was the reason for this horrible occurrence.As odd as it maybe but this person killed himself despite his good background, and strong personality. For a reason, only God and him know, he decided to end his life and bid good bye to this harsh world. Unexpected. Unfortunate.

X number of achievement versus Y number of emotional turmoil. On which axis are you leaning on?

Forever alone.

What makes a person happy? A cliché yet a question whom no one has an answer but you yourself.
Referring to person being described above, I believe he is a person who has reached the climax of his career and has achieved numerous successes. But, what came to his mind to end his life?

/the flow of thoughts was cut short, my apologies./

and yes, I failed in my photo challenge.

Challenge

2010-12-13T15:47:00.000-06:00

Comfortably laying on my bed and thought of having some creative outlet. It's been a while since I took a photo for art's sake (and not for leisure/vanity's sake). I searched on google a list of themes that can be used for a month long challenge. Luckily I found one....however it has 100 themes. Here's the list:

1.Bloom
2.Stand out
3.Sunshine
4.Wheels
5.Blurred
6.Night life
7.Children
8.Broken/damaged
9.Square
10.Food
11.Self portrait
12.Macro
13.Garden
14.I love…
15.Old fashioned
16.Black & White
17.Abstract/Surreal
18.City
19.Travel
20.Rainbow
21.Smoke
22.Country
23.The road
24.Girl
25.The beach
26.Four
27.Boy
28.Barren
29.Winter
30.Spring
31.Summer
32.Autumn
33.Sport
34.Silhouette
35.Abandoned
36.Signs
37.Coffee
38.Fashion
39.Junk
40.Wildlife
41.Aged
42.Shadows
43.Waterdrops
44.Lighthouse
45.Christmas
46.Toys
47.Glass
48.Costume
49.Pet
50.Monochrome
51.Plant
52.Children
53.Eyes
54.Young & Old
55.Tea time
56.Fire
57.Pregnancy
58.Music
59.Love
60.Framed
61.Marriage
62.Flight
63.Tools
64.Sky
65.Light
66.Paint
67.Vanity
68.Native American
69.Female
70.Candy
71.Architecture
72.Transportation
73.Drinks
74.Artist
75.Body Art
76.Festival/Carnival
77.Dress
78.Bugs
79.Words
80.Bubbles
81.Window
82.Balloons
83.Family
84.Bridge
85.Graveyard/Cemetery
86.Spider web
87.Shapes
88.Lock/Key
89.Dessert
90.Mirror/Reflection
91.Jewelry
92.Looking down view
93.Game
94.Father & Child
95.Feet
96.Candle
97.Couple
98.Jump
99.Boat/Ship
100.Upside down

***from http://worldwar-tori.deviantart.com/journal/28797930/

Among the themes presented, I will choose one for each day for one month. I thought that it would be more of a challenge if I follow the list as is..but since I am a newbie on this, I decided to TRY to stick on the list in order. However, for now, my goal is to have 30 photos by January 13,2011.

wuhoo! I hope I can fulfill this! :)

Lament of the Lawn

2010-06-03T01:33:00.001-05:00

One morning I notice something while walking in our yard. I enjoy nature so I guess I made a connection and able to meditate and feel what they, the wonderful creations of God, feel.

"Everyday when I go out for a stroll, I always see how beautiful the trees are, the blooming flowers, the relaxing chirping of birds, and the good people on the street. The view gives me a sense of tranquility--a time off from the stressful world. Positive energy radiating from each magnificent creation that surrounds me....

Every morning the sun touches my face to wake me up and the morning dew cleanse my soul. I feel so inspired and blessed. I look up and savor the pristine view of my surroundings. It's an indescribable feeling of gratitude, and ecstasy. A feeling which I thought wont end.

But one day, I woke up and it feels strange. The spark seems to be gone. The excitement fades away. The joy has turned to indifference. It seems that my animo was taken away from me. Helpless and hopeless, I can't do anything. I am missing the enthusiasm and the spirit to appreciate life.

Always, I look up and wait for you to look down but to no avail. You just walk pass me and not notice me but just as backdrop of a beautiful scenery. Unappreciated. Alone. Thriving to live. Weeds are all over the place now, slowly ripping off my confidence. From dandelions to ivy and clover to cattails..they are all taking advantage of my rich soil.

It's not your fault. I can't blame you. I chose to stay and live again and again, season after season. I could have left but I chose to stay and part of that decision is the burden of waiting. Waiting for that chance that you'll look down and say hi. Yeah, it's my fault. My friend robin told me that I am stupid to that and is totally unnecessary and unfair. Maybe she's right but for me, you are worth a shot. Even if that chance wont come, I still believe that you are indeed worth the wait.

So I am still here, wont go anywhere. Waiting for you. Waiting for you to notice that I could use some mowing.

It's a complicated process of rebirth. Right now, I am growing and learning from everything. My spirit is slowly coming back to me. Slowly, I am able to appreciate my surroundings and be thankful for every single blessing that I have. The process of rebirth a normal process but you, you are hastening it up like a fertilizer that makes your plants bloom flowers and bear fruits. Without you, this process of rebirth will be so slow that will suck all the energy out of me.

I am glad that even if there are days that I doubt myself cause you dont look down at me and say hi, you are still there, directly and indirectly, to help me in my rebirth.

I appreciate you.

I like you.

You inspire me.

You drive me crazy.

and I thank you cause you make me smile effortlessly.

-Lawn "

*phew* what a connection made with the lawn! maybe i should lessen hanging out in the yard alone. LOL

Oh well, at least I was able to reflect. haha
by the way,I miss you, I just do miss you much. Say hi when you got the time =)

-Ken

Blanket

2010-05-31T08:46:00.000-05:00

Am I ready to enter the field?

I have this fear lingering in my veins. Fear of the known and the unknown. Excited and hesitant at the same time.
Soon I'll be entering the world of nurses. By this, I mean that I'll be working as nurse, a real nurse, not as a student nurse. No more clinical instructors to teach, scold, and bail me out if I get in trouble. I admit, I am scared. Scared of a lot of things. Academically speaking, I can say that I perform really well. I nailed the Clinical Competency Assessment and the bridging course.

My first job interview in this field is not for a general duty nurse position. The first offer I got to enter the field is as a Clinical Resource Nurse. A position that handles not patients but RNs and Health Care Aides--31 and 15 of them respectively. I feel so blessed and honored and grateful and the list goes on. I didn't get the position but she offered me to be a general duty nurse in her unit and she'll closely monitor my performance and help me along the way. The manager called me everyday, for almost a week, for me not to go to other units or other hospitals. She wants me to be in her team.

Don't get me wrong, I am not bragging this milestone. In fact, I am scared. I just want to vent out my anxieties and fears.

What if I cannot live up with their expectations? What if I mess up? What if I just book smart? Lots of questions and the only answer that I have is nothing but the Lord. He is always by my side and helps me along the way. Even though I know He's always with me, I still tremble and doubt myself. I have these unnecessary anxieties. Anxieties such as...what if I don't get a day off during Christmas Day, Christmas Eve, New Year's Day/Eve, Sundays or Saturdays, Birthdays and special occasions?

There are so many worries in my head right now. So many that I can just be in my bed all day and think about them. What am i suppose to do?

Fear of the known and the unknown is inevitable in today's world. There are so many things that the world has to offer which anxiety, uncertainty and fear are parts and parcel of it. It's like a serum that takes over my system. There can be two effects. One is the adverse reactions and the other is the desired results. It is our choice on how are we going to handle this serum in our system. We may let it take over our entirety and sit in a corner with fear or take it to our advantage for us to improve.

I admit, I am scared but so are you. Everybody is scared. Scared of something that only he or she can truly feel. For me, I have lots of fears but the most pressing right now is my entry to the professional world.

I lift it up to You Lord.
Your will be done my Lord.

bug

2010-05-27T20:27:00.000-05:00

I dont know how, I dont know when, but i just have fallen for you.

The feeling drives me insane and I cant help it.

Your eyes. Your smile. Your hair. Those pearl earrings. You're just you. You're so beautiful, so lovely, so amazing, so effortlessly...you.

For once, I thought you are an angel. argh... i just can't describe how I feel for you and what are your effects on me. blah blah blah i'm blabbering. not making any sense. but yeah, i have fallen.

life if made up of choices. yes or no. in or out. high or low. hot or cold. left or right. live or die....

i have made a choice...

...i choose to wait...

...till that day when you'll say hi to me and give me a chance.

Trust and Love

2010-05-04T20:57:00.002-05:00

Love.
The other night, I was chatting with a coworker who's looking for someone who can cover for his shift. Unfortunately, I wasn't really a big help for him. So after I gave all the numbers that I know, we had a little chat. So I ask him why cant he go for work the next day and he told me that he has some stuff to do in church. Then I asked him in what church does he go to. So he told me that he is a member of the Pentecostal Church. Since I am a "solid Catholic", I asked him what is the difference between his church and Catholicism. He's answer? "Minor difference. But who cares? We both love Jesus, right?" My mind was blown away with his answer. It is not common for me to hear answers like that. Most of the time, people from other denomination will respond with conceit that their religion is better than Catholicism.

If every person on earth will think that way, I think there will be less turmoils that envelops our world.

Trust.
Yesterday, I am looking for a present for my Mom for Mother's day and I decided to purchase her a watch. So there I was, talking to the lady, checking the timepieces that i think are good and all. After a couple of minutes, the lady went to the other end of the store leaving five branded watches in my hand which cost around $1500! I called her attention and told her that she should keep the watches first. She told me "Nah, I trust you, you're a nurse." Dumbfounded, I wasn't able to respond. I was so honored on what she said.

how did she know that I am a nurse? simple. as i checked the timepieces, I am always looking for the second hand. Then she asked me why is the second so important for me. I told her that I am used to have second hand in my timepiece because it is essential in patient care as a nurse.

If we just learn how to trust and heed and value the trust conferred to us, our world will be a safe and a peaceful place to live.

----

I do not know if I made sense, just figure it out. lol I am a lame blogger

Minds

2010-04-24T19:36:00.000-05:00

Great Minds Discuss Ideas; Average Minds Discuss Events; Small Minds Discuss People.

where do you belong?

Who's the wanderer?

2010-04-23T22:21:00.000-05:00

That's me. struggling in the snow.

Nothing much about me. I am just your ordinary guy next door.

I decided to revive this ancient blog of mine cause someone, named "katkat" left a comment that encouraged me to do some writing again.

what to expect from this blog?
Nothing much. The future contents of this blog are highly dependent on my mood. So it may vary from nonsense observation to, perhaps, sensible ideas.
(disclaimer: I am not a writer. hence, grammar, wordings etc may be flawed. i am open to criticisms and i welcome people who are willing to impart their writing skills to me.)

Thought of the day:
I really can't study when the sun is up.

Wish me luck for my exams tomorrow!